Would the honourable members please stop saying stupid things

Yesterday or the day before, HBC unveiled Canada's Olympic clothing for the upcoming Vancouver 2010 Olympics. My reaction was "Ho hum. I don't think I'll buy any," the same reaction I've had for generations of Olympic clothing. Politicians don't share my views. For example Hedy Fry, Liberal MP for Vancouver Centre, has this to say.

"Here is another embarrassing example of crass politics"

She's referring to the fact that both the Conservative Party's logo and the Olympic Hockey logo consist of a stylized C with a maple leaf in the middle. I guess she failed to notice that both Canada and Conservative start with the letter "C" and both are from Canada, whose national symbols include the maple leaf. Myself I've noticed that Liberal logos tend to be mostly red, and featuring a maple leaf, much like Olympic clothing from previous years. She goes on to say,

"Can the prime minister at least stop trying to politicize the Canadian Winter Olympics?"

I think she said "prime minister" when she meant to "Hedy Fry". There's more.

"I think the government should have said ‘I think that this is too similar, people may think that there is a similarity. They may think we are trying to advertise and therefore, we shouldn't do this. Let's find a different kind of logo,' that is what (they) should have said."

From which we extrapolate the general principal that future designers of Olympic clothing should be required to exclude any symbols or colours that are part of any federal party's logo. She concludes (I hope)

"I think the government should have said ‘I think that this is too similar, people may think that there is a similarity. They may think we are trying to advertise and therefore, we shouldn't do this. Let's find a different kind of logo,' that is what (they) should have said,"

Yeah, we'll just whip up a new batch. BRB.

Sadly, Hedy Fry is not alone. From Charlie Angus, the NDP MP for Timmins-James Bay, we get

"If Minister Lunn thinks he can go into a Tim Hortons anywhere in Canada and tell an average hockey fan that this is not the Conservative party logo, then Mr. Lunn thinks the Canadians are stupider."

Fans of other sports at Tim Horton's and hockey fans at Starbucks will not likely be able to spot the similarities. I can't speak for Mr. Lunn, but I know who I think is stupider. It's not the Canadians. With all the orange on them, it's clear the NDP was involved in the design of the Dutch Soccer (sorry "football") jerseys. I bought my coffee at Tim Horton's this morning. I'm not stupid. I see their influence all over. The team kindly requests that the NDP stop interfering.

In conclusion, thank goodness for the Conservative Party of Canada that the Toronto Maple Leafs, with their blue sweaters prominently displaying a maple leaf, actually write their name on the front of their sweaters, lest the intelligentsia at Tim's across the country uncover the horrible truth that the whole team is actually just a marketing tool for the party.

Microsoft Successful

Microsoft Windows is the operating system that everyone loves to hate. I recently bought a new computer. Before I bought it, I had to decide whether to stick with the old and familiar, or to go with something new. There are two common alternatives to Windows. One is to buy a Mac. The other is to install Linux. In the process of researching my decision, and in the aftermath of the purchase, I was exposed to the attitudes of Mac users, and having freed up my old computer for experimentation, I decided to try to see how for I could get with Linux.

The predominating attitude of Mac users suggests that I'm not nearly condescending enough to own one [1]. Meanwhile, my attempt with Linux was one of many in my personal history with computers, and like every attempt in the past, I quickly realized that I need to have an advanced to degree in computer science with about a week of nothing to do but tweaking my system before I can read my email, and another week before I can send.

In the end, I realized that my only option was go back to the old and familiar. My experiences since then have inspired me not only to accept Windows, but to defend it against the other commonly available options. In the first of what may or may not be a series of posts on this theme, I would like to declare that, on at least one of their design goals, Microsoft has been incredibly successful.

[1] This is not to say that all Mac owners are condescending. Two out of three of the friends I have who bought Mac computers are quite the opposite, whatever that is. But that third friend just ruins it for the first two. Mac users who have inherited their computers from their supervisors are excluded from this statistic.

Poutine Day: Update

It appears I was misled on the nature of Poutine Day. From that same friend who told me about it in the first place:

"We kind of just made up poutine day since we all like poutine so much. In fact, every day could be poutine day."

I'm glad we've that got that cleared up. But every day could be poutine day? I'm now worried that my friend has joined some sort of death cult. She's already on facebook, though. How many cults can she be a part of?

Political Alternatives

Given my obsession with alternative political structures, I'm disappointed things didn't work out better:

"WASHINGTON, DC—Political scientists at the Cato Institute announced Monday that they have inadvertently synthesized a previously theoretical form of government known as megalocracy.

"We were attempting to recreate a military junta in a controlled diplomatic setting, and we applied too much external pressure," said head researcher Dr. Adam Stogsdill, a leading expert in highly reactionary ruling systems. "The resultant government has the ruthless qualities of a dictatorship combined with the class solidarity of a plutocracy—it's quite a remarkable find."

Stogsdill explained that megalocracy is extremely unstable and can only exist in idealistic conditions for a few minutes before collapsing into anarchy."

From The Onion

Thanks to the magic of facebook, I've discovered that today is poutine day. I'm not sure that today is actually poutine day, but supposing that it is, then, you're probably interested in knowing what it is. According to the facebook friend that I learned about the day from, "poutine day is, quite simply, the day on which we all eat poutine. Nothing says friendship more than fries smothered in gravy and cheese." Nothing like celebrating friendship by eating food that will likely end all of your lives early. Anyway, now you know. The 24th of October is poutine day. A great way to kick off the last-week-of-October season, which ends with Hallowe'en, that long slow feast of sugar consumption which could finish off the job that the poutine didn't.

Speaking of days with names, apparently, October 2 is Name Your Car Day. I've decided to name my car John Coffey. So. Happy belated Name Your Car Day. Last time I named my car, it ended up needed replacing within half a year. Hopefully the naming of the car was not the cause of its unexpected demise.

It's old news now, but one of McGuinty's first moves in his second term as Premier of Ontario is to declare a new holiday called Family Day, to take place on the third Monday of February. I think a better name would be Thanks For Nothing Day. I've been getting this day off for quite some time now, including the four days following it. These five days, as a whole, are referred to by students as "reading week". It's a secret we've all been keeping that we get these days off in February. Now that I see that I'd be getting shortchanged on a holiday, though, I think it's time to let the cat out of the bag [2]. The third Monday in February is also known as Heritage Day. I know this because every year around the time of our (formerly) secret week off, we get an email saying that the administrative staff have the day off [3]. I'm pretty sure it applies to a lot of other public servants too. So they don't get anything off either. Maybe that's why one of the secretaries nearly bit my head off the last time I locked myself out of my office and needed her to let me back in. Furthermore, the proposed holiday is in February. February folks. It's cold then! Presumably, by the name, the purpose of the holiday is to spend time with family (which, was the purpose behind other holidays). It makes sense to have a week off during this time of year, because you can go away to somewhere warm. But how far away can you get on a long weekend? Not very far, and wherever that is, it'll probably be just as cold. If Thanks for Nothing Day doesn't just doesn't have that ring, perhaps you could call it Take Your Kids Outside and Have Them Freeze Day. Speaking of weeks off. There's another week off around them time of year. This was a well kept secret too until the passport fiasco of earlier this year, when hordes of people were lined up for hours to get their passports so that they could go away for March Break. I guess I shouldn't speak for everybody. Not everyone lives the comfortable academic life like I do. If you're one of those, I hope you have fun with your family in the middle of winter. I, on the other hand, will be too busy with my reading week to enjoy Family Day.

[1] A friend with whom real life communication has almost exceeded by facebook communication. Real life communication itself has centred around the pros and cons of facebook.

[2] It wasn't really that hard to keep this a secret, since, as a graduate student, I mostly just talked to other graduate students, if I talked to anyone at all. It was a bit tricky, though, to come up with a fake reason for skipping a week of class on the third week of February six years in a row.

[3] And when the administrative staff have the day off, then there's not much point in the rest of us coming in. We're pretty much lost without them. Well, I know that I am. Whatever it is they get paid, it's probably not enough [4].

[4] I'm still too lazy to hyperlink my footnotes [5].

[5] I'm also too lazy to proofread. Please don't mind the typos.

The Cult I Joined

Sometime ago I joined a cult, popular amongst university students, known as facebook.

"Wait!" you protest, "That's not a cult, it's an online social networking tool!"

Such are the claims made by facebook, but I fear that claims do not make reality, and the reality is that facebook is a cult. What is the basis for such an assertion? What evidence do I have to support this accusation?

Exhibit A: Weird behaviour. I have a friend with whom my communication is almost exclusively through facebook. He knows my email, he knows my phone number, he's on my msn, but he only writes messages to me on my facebook "Wall". Why is this strange? Any of these other forms of communication are vastly more efficient, but communication through our respective facebook walls adds an extra layer of inneficiency to the communication process. Not only do I have to open a browser to read the email that tells me that someone has posted on my wall, I then have to log in to facebook to read the message.

Exhibit B: More weird behaviour. In the last two weeks, I have been looking for a place to sublet for the summer. I looked at one place that, in the end, I decided not to sublet. I sent an email to the current tenant to inform her that that I would not be subletting from her. It turns out that she is also a member of this cult. No more than a day later, I received an email telling me that she has added me as a friend on facebook. Within minutes of approving her as a facebook friend, she sent me a message telling me "alrite, but it's really hard to get summer sublet stuff done...but thanks for let me know!" Normal behaviour would be replying to my email directly. This is not normal. It is weird.

Only a cult could be responsible for such unusual forms of communication.

Exhibit C: Characteristic of many cults is unusual sexual behaviour. In facebook, this takes the form of "poking". The creator of facebook claims not to have a purpose for poking, but all facebook users know what he had in mind when he cooked up that feature. Why else would there be a facebook group called "Enough with the poking. Let's just have sex."? Zuckerberg, you dirty bird!

Exhibit D: You can leave any time you want, but would you mind telling us why? Have you ever tried leaving facebook? Your friends won't let you. A few have managed to break free, most only temporarily.

Exhibit E: Friends. Every day, I am informed by facebook that buddy and wasisname are now friends with the other fellers. I distrust any organzation that makes such liberal use of the word "friend".

Exhibit F: Aggressive recruitment tactics. Facebook will scour the contacts lists in all of your email accounts and encourage you to send facebook requests to all of your contacts who aren't already on facebook.

Exhibit G: Loss of individuality. See exhibit A. Your thoughts are no longer your own, but belong collectively to your "friends" (see exhibit E).

Exhibit H: Demands total devotion. See exhibit A and B. You must abandon all old forms of communication, and transmit messages only through facebook. You must only use your email account to receive notifications from facebook. All other responsibilities fall by the wayside as people become evermore consumed by facebook. You can see people's frustration with this when they create groups with titles encouraging facebook to do non-family-friendly things to itself because they're trying to do homework (such groups are only allowed to exist to create the illusion that dissent is allowed).

So there you have it folks. Rock solid evidence that facebook is a cult. Stay away while you still can!

Canada Farm

Offered because it has been subtly suggested that I do so, and without comment.
Lorne's and Danny's thoughts on the new equalization scheme can be summarized thus:
"We all should be equalized. Some of us should be more equalized than others."

Update: Up until yesterday, the focus was on what Saskatchewan's and Newfoundland's Premiers thought about it. Now it appears that the whole country's in on it.

Linking Mathy Thoughts

What must be the most unusual reason for struggling with math that I've ever heard. Hat tip to Cosh.

What may or may not be a joke. Hat tip to the Blogless Erica.

What may replace trigonometry some day. Hat tip to myself.

Identity Crisis

I have nearly completed a Ph.D. in mathematics. Throughout my enrolment in the program, I had thought that I was an aspiring algebraic graph theorist. I have recently been informed, however, that I am actually an aspiring qualitative matrix theorist.

I don't know who I am anymore.

Stupid Global Warming

Well Buffalo got theirs last week. Now it's snowing in Kingston. Finally. At two thirds of the way into October, it's about time. Whatever happened to the days when it would snow in September, I ask you? Stupid Global Warming.

For all you foodies out there...

A recipe I'm sure you'll want to try at your earliest possible convenience.